5 Years of Things Students Say
I've been working at the same two schools for 5 years now in Akita. My impression of Japanese students was that they were very serious, diligent, and quiet. Maybe in other schools, but that is not my experience. Here's a little sampler of some of the things I've heard over 5 years. I can't include some of the more "interesting" stories because I don't want to give the wrong idea. All stories have been translated into English when needed.
About travel:
"I want to go to Canada to drink the tap water." (note: Akita's tap water is completely fine)
"I want to go to America to eat big-sized food."
"I want to go to Italy to meet Mediterranean women. I will hug them."
Random thoughts:
"I will not let Japan defeat me."
"In the Edo period, people valued things and didn't just throw them away, like people do today."
"I am a sexy Terminator."
Me: Are you okay?!?
Student: I'm okay!
Me: What happened?!?!?
Student: I broke my neck.
About Studying English:
"I can't answer this question now because I'm too hungry."
"It must be very difficult to try to teach our class."
"We sleep in class because we need to rest for our clubs. After clubs, we go home and eat and take a bath. And then we have to play video games until 2am, so we are tired, so we need to sleep in class."
In English to me in front of his classmates: "It's okay, no one can understand what I'm saying. My classmates are stupid. They can't speak English."
A student is giving a speech about curry (the Japanese pronunciation of curry is something like "karey", so he was saying "curry" with an English pronunciation)
Student 1: What is he talking about? What is "curry"?
Student: 2: It's a type of sushi.
Student 1: Oh yeah, that's right!
On worksheet: "I am angry when _________."
Student's Answer: "I am angry when I study English."
Student (in Japanese): Can I use my smartphone in class?
Teacher (in English): No. The rule in this school is no smartphones in class.
Student (in Japanese): So, I can use my smartphone?
Teacher (in English): No, you can't.
Student (in Japanese, to classmate): Did she say I can use my smartphone?
Teacher (in Japanese): No, you can't.
Student (in Japanese): But, what if I need to use it in class?
About dating:
I want to marry a foreigner and have children because half-Japanese half-white children are very cute.
Student writing a speech:
"She makes me excited. She has helped me since junior high school." (turns out he was talking about a famous adult entertainer)
(pointing at classmate) "He watches 'videos' on his smartphone every night." *gestures the statement* (note, he did not say 'videos')
Student: How many girlfriends do you have?
Me: Zero.
Student: No. HOW MANY GIRLFRIENDS do you have?!
About Keith:
"Did you lose some weight? You were really fat last year."
"Keith, you are really bad at drawing."
"Do you live in an apartment building that looks like pudding?"
Freestyle rap from a student in class about me: "I am from Canada / I have a strong body"
(俺のしゅしんはカナダ、俺が強い体 - or something like that)
Student: Do know "The Hulk?" You look like the actor from the movie The Hulk.
Me: Wait until I get angry.
Written on an exam: "I want to go drinking with Keith in two years."
About travel:
"I want to go to Canada to drink the tap water." (note: Akita's tap water is completely fine)
"I want to go to America to eat big-sized food."
"I want to go to Italy to meet Mediterranean women. I will hug them."
Random thoughts:
"I will not let Japan defeat me."
"In the Edo period, people valued things and didn't just throw them away, like people do today."
"I am a sexy Terminator."
Me: Are you okay?!?
Student: I'm okay!
Me: What happened?!?!?
Student: I broke my neck.
About Studying English:
"I can't answer this question now because I'm too hungry."
"It must be very difficult to try to teach our class."
"We sleep in class because we need to rest for our clubs. After clubs, we go home and eat and take a bath. And then we have to play video games until 2am, so we are tired, so we need to sleep in class."
In English to me in front of his classmates: "It's okay, no one can understand what I'm saying. My classmates are stupid. They can't speak English."
A student is giving a speech about curry (the Japanese pronunciation of curry is something like "karey", so he was saying "curry" with an English pronunciation)
Student 1: What is he talking about? What is "curry"?
Student: 2: It's a type of sushi.
Student 1: Oh yeah, that's right!
On worksheet: "I am angry when _________."
Student's Answer: "I am angry when I study English."
Student (in Japanese): Can I use my smartphone in class?
Teacher (in English): No. The rule in this school is no smartphones in class.
Student (in Japanese): So, I can use my smartphone?
Teacher (in English): No, you can't.
Student (in Japanese, to classmate): Did she say I can use my smartphone?
Teacher (in Japanese): No, you can't.
Student (in Japanese): But, what if I need to use it in class?
About dating:
I want to marry a foreigner and have children because half-Japanese half-white children are very cute.
Student writing a speech:
"She makes me excited. She has helped me since junior high school." (turns out he was talking about a famous adult entertainer)
(pointing at classmate) "He watches 'videos' on his smartphone every night." *gestures the statement* (note, he did not say 'videos')
Student: How many girlfriends do you have?
Me: Zero.
Student: No. HOW MANY GIRLFRIENDS do you have?!
About Keith:
"Did you lose some weight? You were really fat last year."
"Keith, you are really bad at drawing."
"Do you live in an apartment building that looks like pudding?"
Freestyle rap from a student in class about me: "I am from Canada / I have a strong body"
(俺のしゅしんはカナダ、俺が強い体 - or something like that)
Student: Do know "The Hulk?" You look like the actor from the movie The Hulk.
Me: Wait until I get angry.
Written on an exam: "I want to go drinking with Keith in two years."
